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  Rick Sutcliffe


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All you need to know about Science:

If it's dead it's Biology; if it's wet and smells of anything but formaldehyde it's Chemistry; if it dosen't work it's Physics; if Biologists can't understand, it's Mathematics, and if it has a few more bugs its Computing Science.

All you need to know about Physics:

1. In Science all there is is Physics. Everything else is stamp collecting. -- Rutherford

2. You can't push on a rope.


   T M
  A   U
 H      S
W        T


There was a young lady from Bight,
Travelled faster then the speed of light.
She left one day
In a relative way,
Arrived home the previous night.

5. (from a student's exam) In the equation E = hv, h is Planck's constant, and v is the length of the plank.

All you need to know about Chemistry:

Oxidants happen.

It takes alkynes to make a world.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

Canadium is similar to Americium, but a little denser - often called Boron

Q: What compound is HIJKLMNO?

A: Water. H to O.

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?

A: Because it's in the ground state.

Soviet science

The noted Russian engineer Ivan Fedorvich arrives in Fort Langley, British Columbia, to visit his old friend and correspondent Stan Barker. Upon arrival at his house, Dr. Barker expresses interest in his visitor's watch. Fedorvich's face lights up as he tells him it is not just a wrist watch, but also a computer, radio, data terminal, and television all rolled into one. It has built-in voice recognition, a gigabyte of memory, and even a programmable alarm clock, and a miniature satellite dish in its concave crystal--a veritable triumph of socialist engineering. "And what," says Barker, "is that," pointing to the large suitcase Fedorvich is carrying with considerable difficulty. "Ah," says Fedorvich ruefully, "the Politburo insisted on using Russian batteries."

Murphy's Law:

1. The error that creeps in will be in the direction that does most damage to the calculation.

2. Wires cut to precise lengths will always be too short, no matter how many times they are cut.

3. The first component to drop will be the most delicate.

4. If a projects requires n components, there will be (n - 1) components in stock.

5. The probability that a gasket will be ommitted is directly proportional to the number of screws that have been installed to hold two parts together.

6. All constants are variables.

7. There's always one more bug.

8. 1 + 1 ===> 2 [where ===> is the mathematical symbol for "is almost never equal to".]

9. The probability that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich will fall face down when it is dropped is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Since this is so, and since it is well known that a cat, when dropped, always lands on its feet, stap a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to a cat's back (jelly side up) and hold it over a very expensive carpet. When it falls, the agglomeration of cat and sandwich will be unable to land either way so it will spin indefinitely in mid air.


Truth comes out of error more easily than out of confusion. -- Francis Bacon

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I'm doing. -- Werner von Braun

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. -- Mark Twain


Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night.
God said, Let Newton be! and all was light.
  --Alexander Pope

It did not last: The Devil howling 'Ho!
Let Einstein be! restored the status quo.
  --Sir John Collins Squire

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